


The best laid plans of Gods and men

by Korilian



Category: Marvel, Thor (2011)
Genre: Crack, Humor, Multi, mollestation for shit and giggles?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-18
Updated: 2011-07-18
Packaged: 2017-10-21 12:57:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/225419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Korilian/pseuds/Korilian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki is all set to take over the world, much to Thor's dismay, when he is beset by well-meaning fangirls/boys.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The best laid plans of Gods and men

**Author's Note:**

> Right, so Loki sort of gets molested, but in a cracky way. It's all very meta, but steer clear if that stuff is triggering for you. Written for Norsekink.

“Fangirls? How can Loki have fangirls?” Tony ducked under a apple that was hurled at his head with frightening accuracy by one of the screaming hordes. They were granny smiths. He wasn’t sure whether that had any particular significance or if they’d just gone for the first green fruit that could concuss a grown man. “He blew up a tunnel!”

“I understand it wasn’t a very popular tunnel.” Thor caught an apple midair and looked at the people of Seattle reproachfully. “And my brother is tragically misunderstood.”

Tony gave him a dubious look, because really. He knew all about daddy issues, but some of them learned to work them out in healthy ways. By blowing up terrorists. “Misunderstood.” He repeated flatly.

Thor nodded. “People think he’s this tragic figure when really, he’s just a dick.”

Steve poked his head outside the door of the police station carefully, his shield hovering in front of the general region of his privates. He’d had his own unfortunate experience with granny Smith before he’d fled inside to help secure the prisoner. Truthfully there wasn’t actually a lot he could do to secure a God beyond what Thor had already done (knocked him out and parked Mjolnir on his chest). “Are they still at it?”

“My brother has long had followers in Mitgard, but rarely among those who were affected by their mischief in person.” Thor looked a little nonplussed by the negative attention their arrest of Loki had generated in the city he had just assaulted.

“Yeah well. I understand Seattle had a hell of an insurance on that money suck.” They were hot fangirls too. Tony wasn’t the jealous type being a rich sexy beast and a superhero to boot, but he was terribly aware that he had to hire his hottest fangirls himself. His Ironette’s certainly had better costumes, although some of these girls were doing very well in their St. Paddy’s best.

“What? Even against super villains?” Steve asked curiously.

Tony nodded and tried not to grin as he imagined the response once the insurance classified this an act of (a) God. Superheroes didn’t get bitter. Or vindictive.  
Oh what the hell. He was wearing his helmet for a reason.  
At least they’d finally captured the bastard and once they got him up to the Helicarrier… The grin froze on his face as the first crowd containment fence toppled.

As it turned out being a superhero was really hard when you couldn’t actually use your super strength, or tiny missiles to defend yourself.

“To Me Avengers!” He heard Thor yell somewhere far away, although he thought one of his microphones might have been skewered by a stiletto when the crowd trampled him, so it might just be the armour muffling him. Thank God for armour plating. He managed to get his feet under him and stumbled inside. Whoops. Accidentally took a wall with him. Guess the cameras took a knock as well.

“Let go of that hammer this instant!”

That sounded like Steve’s no nonsense tone and Tony had to roll his eyes, since it wasn’t like anyone but Thor would be able to lift the damn thing. God, he hadn’t heard this kind of screeching since his last ~~Bieber~~ er.. AC/DC concert. “Jarvis, filter sound. Route visual cortex to the auxiliary control core.” The shaky vision cleared and he finally had the visual to go with what he’d been hearing. Tony blinked.

“Let go of my pants puny mortals!” Loki was awake and struggling under Mjolnir’s weight… among other things. Tony had seen frost coming off him once, but he’d never seen steam shooting out of the God’s ears before. “I will smite thee and the horse thee rode in on if you do not, hey. HEY! DON’T TOUCH THAT!”

“Shouldn’t we…uhm… do something?” Steve was holding two struggling girls with really far too little clothing between them by the scruff of their neck, his eyes carefully averted from the very crowded cell.

Tony was willing to make allowances for the Captain’s 40s sensibilities if it left him blushing prettily like that. Hell, he decided as he caught and eyeful of the man in the cell. He might be willing to start making allowances for Thor’s deranged little brother as well.  
“Tempting.” Tony answered. “But why don’t we let Thor field this one eh?” It wasn’t like they could actually move the guy and he wasn’t sure it was wise to put his hands anywhere near the God right now. The wealthy powerhouse caught molesting the nubile young deity in a prison cell was such a cliché. “Where did he get off to anyway?”

“He muttered something about Loki always getting all the girls and took off.”

Tony hesitated. “…To fetch the helicarrier?”

Steve shrugged. The scowl was almost as cute as the blush. “Ladies, please! You are behaving very inappropriately!”

“If understandably.” Tony muttered. It was very hot in the iron suit all of the sudden. “Don’t worry Loki! Help is on the way!” He called out a bit louder for the villains sake. “I hope.”

“I AM YOUR GOD! UNHAND ME RIGHT NOW!”

Tony and Steve exchanged a helpless look and readied themselves to do… something. Before they could move Loki let out a primal scream and the world ended.

Later, after they’d picked themselves and the last fangirls of the floor (Mjolnir had been thrown through three walls and had melted a cop car before coming to a halt) and had been politely but firmly told to get the hell out of town (Seattle’s police station wasn’t as well insured as the Seattle tunnel), they wondered how everything had gone so wrong.

“I thought he wasn’t supposed to be able to lift that damn hammer.” Tony snapped. He was cranky because you couldn’t exactly iron the wrinkles out of a god damn iron suit. Jarvis and Pepper had needed almost two hours to cut him out of the leg armour.

Thor scowled at the implied slight to Mjolnir. “I can only assume that the intense belief of his followers gave him a momentary boost of strength.”

Steve sighed. “Oh great. So he’s going to be even more powerful now?”

“I do not believe so.” Thor said dismissively. “Faith on that level is hard to maintain.”

Tony decided not to break the news about the myriad of fan-sites with a Seattle IP that had popped up in the last 24 hours and hoped he’d be right.

\---

Loki knew he’d be pissed about this later when he was no longer so incredibly high (Adulation was a terrible habit for a God to get into). All his beautiful clever plans. Ruined. The careful steps to ensure that he’d end up a prisoner on S.H.I.E.L.D.S most well guarded ship. His careful studies of human nature to find a way to get just that little boost of extra power so that he could escape once he was aboard. For naught. What good were followers that wouldn’t take orders anyway? Not that he was in favour of any kind of order in general mind, but he’d had plans!

Who could have predicted they hated that damn tunnel that much?

**Author's Note:**

> They’re planning to dig a big ass traffic tunnel in Seattle. Some people are unhappy about this. I have no opinion beyond that it made an convenient plot point.


End file.
